Accepting responsibility and taking ownership of your own situation is hard. Blaming others is far easier.
It's exactly what a child does when it fails a test it should have studied for - the teacher hates them, the test was unfair, their number 2 pencil broke and they didn't have a spare.
While I don't agree that a person can control every external factor (the current economic climate is not something I can currently change, and neither is my disability or the fact that I have an contralto voice rather than a soprano one which would open up a million more potential solo parts to me), realising what things you have to let go and what you can actually do something about and getting on with it instead of whining about how unfair everything is is part of becoming a well-adjusted adult.
If I went to an audition with no sheet music, hadn't memorised the lyrics, chose a piece that was too high for me or was offensive in some way, chewed out the accompanist for playing a wrong note, insulted the other singers, dressed in jeans and a bikini top and did a crappy job of the song, I'd expect not to get the part. And I wouldn't blame my contralto voice or accuse the director of being evil or bitch about the acoustic of the building being wrong. And therein lies the difference between me and a group of people who are obviously suffering either from an over-inflated sense of self-entitlement or an extreme case of learned helplessness.
Seriously, anyone who thinks that the world is evil and that everyone and everything is against them and they have no control over the way they present themselves may well need professional help. (Note that this is not an insult - I attach no stigma to mental health problems and have suffered from severe depression myself, and am still battling the tendency to slide back into my old destructive thought patterns.)
I did pursue therapy for the first time this year, but eventually it looked like I was going to have to buy health insurance in order to continue, and so I stopped. While I kind of enjoyed talking through my problems, it was costing me enough just in terms of time, without paying money for it.
I did mention the one poster who says that if someone feels offended by words it's their own fault, so no personal attack intended.[/Multinational oil-company defendant lawyer mode off]
And I know tags don't work like that! Though they should… think of the possibilities…
Yes and I completely stand by that logic, even when it's at my own "expense". The "attack" didn't bother me at all. I'm sad that so many people here misunderstand me, but it's something I'm thoroughly used to and I don't get wounded by it anymore; I just withdraw to the blackness of my cavern and continue brooding upon my nonspecific hatred for the unjust world beyond.
I said to myself I wasn't going to respond to you anymore, but I'm breaking my rule one last time.
People respond to you in this way because of the manner in which you behave and present yourself. If everyone "misunderstands" you, then the problem lies with the face that you show us. You appear selfish, without empathy, completely unconcerned about the wishes and feelings of others, unable to take responsibility for things that are your fault (instead blaming anyone and everyone else) and unable to let things go that you have no control over, with a sense of entitlement as big as Texas and no desire to actually earn any of the things you feel you "deserve", with a childish tendency to claim everything's unfair when you don't get your way.
This is not an attack, because you absolutely need to know these things in order to become a reasonably-content adult person who can have a real place in society and not irritate everyone you come into contact with. I'm helping, if you're willing to listen, and I'm risking a warning for doing it.
Messages like this really only leave a person like me more bitter and despondent, I'm afraid. It's like the whole world is saying "What's the matter with you, just completely ignore all your feelings and behave the way we tell you you should, and if it doesn't work, you're not trying hard enough!" I'm a naturally negative person, and I don't want to be told that the answer is to just stop being negative, because you might as well tell me to stop being who I am. The only way I've ever been able to get anywhere on self-improvement is when people have acknowledged my feelings and agreed to work with me on the basis of my own premises. Such people have been few and far between, and I try to cherish them, though it doesn't come easily to me.
I believe (knowing him) that arenson9 was relating to what Spiff was describing, not making a statement on you, Envisioner. But I could be wrong - that was just my impression.
