The "community Service" hread reminded me of this thing I wrote, but I couldn't find it, then I remembered it was posted in the "Ask a Forumite" thread, so I hunted it down (6 long minutes) and I'm posting it here.
Hey kids, park yourselves at the station here, it's story time. You see once there was this little engine. Everyone thought this engine wasn't good enough, they liked the other engines better, they were "team players," they didn't "have a bad attitude." So those Engines got all the best runs.
Well one day the little engine had enough, so he went and demanded that the boss man of Fancy Station give him a train. The Boss man didn't like the little engine, didn't like his confidence, didn't like his tone of voice. Boss man gave little train the biggest train ever, and tol him to pull it up Big Old Mountain.
All the other Engines laughed, told Little Engine to give up, no Engine could pull that train up Big Old Mountain, especially not little engine.
But little engine believed in himself. Little Engine pulled with all his might, he kept saying "I think I can" over and over to himself, getting himself pumped up. But sadly for little engine, about half way up the hill, some of the other engines had put a big tree branch over the rails, and little engine had to stop. His Engineer moved the branch, but Little Engine knew he'd never get the heavy train moving again on such a steep hill.
He could hear the other engines laughing, and his Engineer even gave up and left. Little Engine tried, he tried with all his might, but that train wouldn't budge. The little engine sobbed, tired and sore, but refusing to go back to the station defeated.
Then a new Engineer came, a nice Engineer, and he said, "I'll help you little Engine, I've got some great coal here, and we'll use it and pull this train right up and over Big Old Mountain. They did it too, with all the other engines laughing below Little Engine pulled harder and harder, his new firend putting more and more coal in his burner, until finally that train started to move, then faster, and faster.
Little Engine flew over that hill, the wind whipping by, the cars screeching behind him, his whistle crying out in joy. WHOOO!!!!
Then the Good Engineer whispered to the Little Engine. The little Engine smiled. They pulled into Far Station, and turned Little Engine around. Then Little Engine and the Good Engineer pushed that heavy train back up the hill, back towards Fancy Station.
As he approached he could hear the other Engines shock and surprise, he wasn't a little engine any more, he was a Big Engine, and Big Engine pushed that train right off the tracks, BOOM! Right through the Station it went, SMASH! CRASH! the other Engines ran for their lives! They were sorry they ever laughed at Little Engine! But Big Engine didn't care, he smashed all the other Engines and all the other stations and. . .
~Ok kids, that's it for story time, um, let's all walk slowly and calmly back to our classroom.~
HAHA! BOOM! Another station levelled, what's that ahead? A water tower? Not Anymore, "WHOO WHOO!" Here comes the Fright Train Water Tower, SMASH!
And our second tale:
Hi kids, so there was like, this princess named Lillian, and she had an evil Step-Sister named Meredith, and everyone was always making Lillian clean the house, and wash the dishes, while Meredith got to play and have fun all day. Then everyone would say, "Wow, look at Meredith, she's so pretty, she's so smart, everything she does is awesome." Lillian would try to dress pretty but everyone would just tell her to put on her work clothes and go clean her room, uh, I mean scrub the floors, and then they'd tell her her work clothes were ugly and her poetry was "Average" and even make her go to bed at like 8pm, just because she snuck out that one time to go see Sisters of Mercy, even though it was like a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
So anyway, theres this big party, and Lillian didn't even want to go, because the party was going to be really lame. So she went and hung out by the old silo, because it was cool and everyone thought it was haunted so she could be alone there. So then this really cool guy comes up and starts talking to her, and he's all "You're really cool Lillian, you understand me, not like those people at the party." Then the guards came and took the boy, because he was the Prince and they were going to make him marry Princess Meredith, but he didn't even like her. So Lillian called to all her bird friends in the silo and they went and <serious voice> pecked out the eyes of all the guards and her evil stepsister and eveyone,<end serious voice> then the Prince and Lillian got married and lived happily ever-after.
. . .
So like, that's it right, that's my "rehabilitation," I can go now? Great. See ya losers!